I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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