You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Randomize
