I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
