i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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