i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
