Im at strip club and am horny
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
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