I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize
