Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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