You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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