Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
