batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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