i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
