just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
