Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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