Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
