i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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