Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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