My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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