I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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