dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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