i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
