two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
