I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
