You don't have asthma, your pregnant
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
and she was petting her beer can
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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