Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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