Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
