so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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