you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
