I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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