thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
