you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
vagina is talking i cant
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
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