Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
