I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
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