I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Randomize
