No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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