Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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