K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
