I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
