Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
