You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
