bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
