Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
