I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
