I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize