Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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