You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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