We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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