just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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