I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
