i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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