I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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