I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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