I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
