U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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