video games are the ultimate cock blocker
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
