The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dick very happy bro
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