why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Randomize