I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Randomize
