if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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