And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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