When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
