I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
