Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
