Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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