dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
